Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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