woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
