Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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