All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
