How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
