you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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