I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
