loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize