Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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