my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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