he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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