Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
