my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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