thus making me awesome and them whores
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
