i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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