put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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