Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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