I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
