And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize