why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
