this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize