Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
