imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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