if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
