if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
