So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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