Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
