just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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