wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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