You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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