I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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