got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
