He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
