so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
