Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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