Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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