Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
