I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
