I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
