Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
