Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
