One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
