smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
