just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
