You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
