so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
