he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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