I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
