I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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