I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
