she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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