Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
