Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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