Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
