now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
