I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
