I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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