I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize