chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
