we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
