Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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