Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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