i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
