guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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