it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
