Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
