Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
