Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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