she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize