I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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