I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so explain again why im purple
no
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
