Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
