So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
