he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
