My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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