You smell like a Billy Joel song
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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