Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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