I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
