Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
