You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
