i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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