Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
