i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
