There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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