Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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