yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
