Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
