there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
