youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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