Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
