sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
