Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
