Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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