how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
