do herpes really smell.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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