dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize