PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
