As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize