Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just found a bag of teeth...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
