Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
