"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God, I missed his penis.
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